
Dark Match:
Dark Match Xtreme Rules:
{nCw kicks off with some pyros after the "There and Back Again" video montage. The camera scans the crowd who are all on their feet and about 60% of them are holding up signs cheering on their favorite wrestlers.}
Eric Hardy: Welcome fans, we have a "surprise" for you this week, we're kicking nCw Collision off with Sports Talk!
Kelly Fox: I'm looking forward to see if the Sports Nutz are as good at hosting a talk show as they are at wrestling.
Eric Hardy: Don't tell me you're buying into the Sports Nutz hype machine!
The ring is set up for the Sports Talk segment. Two black leather couches are opposite each other with a coffee table in between. On the coffee table are bobblehead dolls of Gordon Heath, George Dunpork and Craig Mueller, as well as a number of microphones. "Ecstasy of Gold" hits, and out come Craig Mueller and George Dunpork with Gordon Heath following behind them to tremendously loud boos from the crowd. The boos are even louder than normal from the San Antonio, Texas crowd as Craig is wearing his George Gervin San Antonio Spurs jersey, except the word "SUCKS" is written underneath Gervin's name on the back, and a Ghostbusters-like circle slash is over the Spurs logo on the front. Craig and George throw peanuts at the ringside fans. George takes things a step further by going up to a little boy and belching in his face. The boy, who can't be anymore than five years old, starts crying. The boy's mother hugs him to try to get him to stop crying as the dad yells at George.
Kelly Fox: Bah-hahahahahaha! What a momma's boy!
Eric Hardy: Oh, so I guess you condone someone going up to a toddler and belching in his face?!
Kelly Fox: Hey, that little brat probably deserved it!
George grabs his crotch, then flips the dad the bird as Gordie and Craig laugh hysterically. Other ringside fans hold the dad back as Gordie, George and Craig walk into the ring, holding their arms up in the air as the crowd continues to reign down the enormously loud boos. After about a minute, Gordie, George and Craig take a seat on one of the black leather couches and pick up their microphones.
Gordon Heath: Ladies and gentlemen, it couldn't be stopped! It couldn't even be contained! Ladies and gentlemen, this is Sports Talk!
The crowd boos some more as Gordie, George and Craig look none too pleased with the crowd's reaction to them.
Kelly Fox: Do these morons in attendance not realize the greatness that is before them?! George and Craig are the greatest athletes in the world and are able to dominate EVERY sport!
Eric Hardy: I thought you had been brainwashed by the Age of the Revolution!
Kelly Fox: First of all I wasn't brainwashed. Second, I always take the time to recognize greatness.
Gordon Heath: Now since is the season premiere of Sports Talk…
Eric Hardy: Season premiere?! Gimme a break!
The crowd chants "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" Gordie is angered about the crowd interrupting him.
Gordon Heath: Excuse me, but I have the microphone! Now shut the hell up!
The crowd boos. Gordie just shakes his head and moves on.
Gordon Heath: Before I was so rudely interrupted… Since this is the season premiere of Sports Talk, I needed to have on some big name guests! Ladies and gentlemen… the Sports Nutz!
Eric Hardy: Oh for crying out loud! I thought Angel was self absorbed!
Kelly Fox: Hey, this is the season premiere, Eric! The Sports Nutz are big time guests!
Craig Mueller: Gordie, it's an honor and a privilege to be guests on this great show, Sports Talk.
Gordon Heath: Well on Sports Talk, we pride ourselves in having on only the biggest of big name guests.
George Dunpork: And Gordie, Craig and I pride ourselves in being the greatest tag team in all of professional wrestling.
Gordon Heath: Alright, let's talk about your first televised match last Sunday on Collision, where you two soundly defeated the Callaway Brothers. How surprised were you that the Callaway Brothers didn't give you much competition?
Craig Mueller: George and I were not surprised in the least. We said that Scotty and Rob were nothing but circus acrobats who weren't true athletes because they never played sports, and a literal game of grab ass doesn't count.
Kelly Fox: I never knew the Callaways were so incestuous!
Eric Hardy: Oh come on! You don't really believe that crap!
George Dunpork: You see, Gordie, Craig and I have played just about every major sport that there is to play and have dominated all of them because of our superior athleticism. And that is why we dominated the Callaways. We didn't even use our most potent offense on them.
A hot dog vendor is at ringside, who seems to have medium length dirty blonde hair and a ZZ Top-looking beard. He's shouting "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT DOOOOOOOOOOOGS!" It's so loud that it distracts Gordie, George and Craig. Gordie turns his attention to the hot dog vendor.
Gordon Heath: Excuse me, sir. We're trying to host a television show here.
The hot dog vendor ignores Gordie, again shouting "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT DOOOOOOOOOOOGS!" Gordie, George and Craig get up out of their couch and walk out of the ring to the floor, as the hot dog vendor is at the front row.
Gordon Heath: I'm not going to tell you again…
The hot dog vendor opens the vending box and gets out a squeezable mustard bottle, "accidentally" squirting mustard onto Gordie's black sports coat. Furious, Gordie grabs the vendor by the beard, but the beard comes off as it's a fake! The respective jaws of Gordie, George and Craig drop as the vendor takes off his hat and dirty blonde wig to reveal himself to be…
Eric Hardy: Matt Margera?!
Kelly Fox: Hey, he's banned from Sports Talk for life! What's he doing here?!
Matt sprays more mustard at Gordie, George and Craig. Matt takes off the vending box and throws it down, then makes a beeline for the nearest exit. The initial shock of mustard being sprayed at them wears off and Gordie, George and Craig take off after Matt.
Kelly Fox: That punk better hope that the Sports Nutz don't interfere in his match against Jackhammer!
Eric Hardy: Fans, we'll be back!
{{Commercial Break}}
Eric Hardy: And now for our first match of the night, The Callaway Brothers will be pitted against this team of men who have went through great lengths to keep their identities hidden.
Kelly Fox: They must have something to hide.
Eric Hardy: You think?
{The Callaways are already in the ring as again The Mystery Team walks out of the entrance way to no music and to the crowd not knowing what to believe. The smaller of the two is wearing Ace's tag team title around his waist. They get to the ring where the slide in and await the start of the match.}
Eric Hardy: And again these two pick up the win, and look at the smaller member wearing the tag team title he stole from Ace last week. Who does he think he is?
Kelly Fox: Who cares?
{Suddenly The Smokin Aces theme hits as the Masked team looks at the entrance way. The slide out of the ring and begin to leave through the fans when suddenly the Smokin Aces appear through the crowd and corner the two. The Masked team slides back into the ring, but Ace manages to hold the leg of the man with his title belt, and pulls him back out and away from his partner. The bigger man doesn't realize that his partner isn't with him until half way up the ramp, he turns and it's too late as Ace and Awesome have beat down the smaller Mystery man and rip the tag title off from around his waist. Awesome reaches down and rips the mask off the mystery man, revealing… TRENT HELMS under the mask!}
Eric Hardy: Trent Helms!? What in the hell!?
Kelly Fox: Trent Helms, what does he think he's been doing running around here like an idiot?
{Trent is breathing hard and looks furious as Awesome's jaw drops and he takes a step backwards. nCw cuts away to commercial with the final shot being the look of surprise on Steve's face.}
P>{{Commercial Break}}
Eric Hardy: Well fans, one match into the show and things are already very exciting tonight.
We hear the riffs that start The Game by Drowning Pool. The lights turn off and green strobelights start going off. Jon Michaels walks out onto the stage and looks around the crowd to a mixed reaction. He starts walking down the ramp and turns to his right and points at himself with both thumbs ala Matt Hardy, and continues down the ramp. Jon slides into the ring and points to himself with his thumbs again, and walks over to the ropes on the other end and stands on the first and second ropes, raising his right fist into the air, forming the devil horns and shows off his muscles. He jumps down and waits.
The arena is still buzzing from the night's events, the hubbub of the crowd settling slightly, the audience waiting for the next event.
Then suddenly a drumline rips out through the PA, lights in the arena flashing, the Tron showing Jack as he stands, grinning confidently, occasionally strobing with his name in bold letters. A lairy British voice can be heard shouting out over it, the drums still crashing away.
We put this festival on you b******s, with alot of love!
We worked for one year for you pigs!
And you want to break our walls down and destroy us?!
Well you go to hell!
With that, a British Invasion fuzzed up riff breaks through, just as Jack Hammond strides through with a confident grin, the lights still flashing above him and from the Tron as he observes the crowd, shrugging before walking down the ramp towards the ring, still looking about, grinning.
He jumps onto the ring apron before hopping over the top rope, wheeling about, yelling at the crowd, mounting the second turnbuckle to look around the arena before hopping off and limbering up in the ring, waiting for/staring down his opponent.
"War With God" by Ludacris
The Arena lighs fall low and we see smoke billowing fromt he entrance area. We see a spotlight going around the arena and it stops, pointing to the stage. And the music begins as it plays softly...
"The time has come for bad things to end
The time has come for life to begin
The time has come for the war of the Gods"
A Figure emerges from the smoke, wearing a black unzipped hoodie, with the hood up. He is also wearing a skull-mouthed bandana over his mouth. He looks at the crowd and crosses his arms over his chext in a'X' formation. He makes his way down the ramp
"I'm the best and there's nothin' that you can do about it
Never needed a publicity stunt, let's tell the truth about it
Even in the core of the streets you can't sway the youth about it
But keep runnin' yo mouth, and I swear I'ma knock a tooth up out it
I never claimed to be nothin' but who the f**k I am
Never sold cocaine in my life, but I'm still the f**kin' man"
He make shis way down the ramp, he pulls the hood down and we see the beads and braids, finally seeing that it is Xavier. He walks around the ringside area, the crowd booing him, but his eyes are focused inside the ring. Xavier hops on the ring apron and looks out into the crowd
"So you can say what you wanna say and you can talk that talk
But real niggas ain't doin' no talkin' cuz we walk that walk
Album for album you can see I got a multi-million plan
So call yourself whatever you want except the multi-million man
Nigga! "
Xavier steps into the ring and he goes to the center and drops to a knee and he bows his head, not looking into the crowd, booing him, he looksdownward, his eyes closed. He pounds his fists into the mat and stands up, once again, doing the 'X' formation over his chest
"Lucifer, oh Lucifer
God of evil, you're the god of pain
Lucifer, oh Lucifer
The Darkness is where you find your light"
He hops on the 2nd turnbuckle and pulls the bandanna off from over his mouth as red sparks starts to rain down on top of him, Xavier looks into the sky and hops off the turnbuckle and starts to rolls his wrist (like Punk does before his matches) and bounce around getting ready
The three men stare each other down as the bell rings signifying the match is under way. They begin to circle one another, no one wanting to make the first move. Hammond and Michaels both look at each other, then nod. They both move towards Xavier. Xavier looks dead on, not flinching, showing he will fight them both. Then out of no where Michaels blindsides Hammond with a forearm sending him reeling. Another strike, and another. Williams decides to jump in, literally as he bounces off the ropes and takes them both down with a double clothesline. Xavier begins to kick at Michaels and Hammond rolls out of the ring and begins to search under the ring. In the ring Michaels is up to his feet and is brawling with Williams. Williams seems to be getting more than he wanted as Michaels lands blow after blow backing him to the turnbuckle. The assault stoops short as Michaels is sent to his knees by a chair shot from Hammond! Hammond is now in the ring and wielding a chair. He delivers a stiff shot to Xavier as he seems out on his feet, leaning against the turnbuckle. The chair is not the only weapon that found itself in the ring. a trash can, it's lid, a kendo stick, a fire extinguisher and a table now lay about the ring. Michaels is trying to get up after that shot from Hammond, and Hammond obliges by letting him get up. Hammond goes for another chair shot but Michaels able to avoid it by quick thinking and a quick kick to the gut of Hammond. Hammond doubles over and Michaels plants him to the mat with a nice DDT. Michaels now with the upper hand goes over and grabs the lid off the trash can. He turns around and is met by a revived Xavier Williams's shinning wizard! Williams sent the lid right into the face of Michaels and he goes down hard. He covers.
1….
2…..
No, Hammond was able to break it up. Hammond gets Williams to his feet and delivers some stiff shots of his own. He reaches down and grabs the trash can lid and nails Williams square in the head with it. Williams seems dazed, but not out. Again! Now Williams falls to his knees. Hammond raises the lid high and brings it down, this time causing Williams to fall. Only Hammond forgot about the other man as he finds himself in a school boy roll up.
1…..
2….
No, Hammond just able to kick out. Michaels gets Hammond to his feet. In a blazing fury Hammond is met with stiff round house kicks. Michaels isn't letting up and he finishes the brazen assault off with a wicked jumping half kick sending Hammond to the corner. Michaels then goes and grabs the chair, and walks over to Hammond, before he gets their he tosses it to Hammond, who catches it. Hammond, being a little confused has zero reaction time as Michaels nails the chair with a flying knee! Hammond falls, and is all alone. Xavier is no longer on the ground, and Michaels is looking everywhere for him. He does spot him, and is in trouble. Xavier is air born and nails Michaels with a lariat. Michaels goes down hard. Xavier is soon up to his feet and grabs the kendo stick. He begins ruthless strikes on Michaels, one right after another. Michaels attempts to block them but all in vain. Hammond soon begins to move and finds himself on his feet. He picks up the trash can and yells at Xavier who turns around, and soon finds a trash can on him! Xavier is stuck in the trash can! he drops the kendo stick, and Hammond picks it up and begins to beat the trash can with Xavier in it! Xavier falls down and is rolling around, desperately trying to get out of it. Jack puts his foot on the trash can, effectively stopping all movement. In one forceful motion he rolls the trashcan, sending Xavier on a wild ride out of the ring! While this comical array was happening Michaels has gotten to his feet and seems to have devised a plan. The plan? A fire extinguisher. Jack turns around and is met with the contents of it, blinding him. He grabs onto Hammond and hits a spinning neckbreaker bomb, he pins!
1….
2…..
thr...
NO!..barely..just barely did Hammond kick out. Michaels can not believe it and gets up. Hammond, begrudgingly begins to get up, but Michaels is waiting for him. As soon as Hammond is to his feet Michaels goes for his Thrillkick, but Hammond ducks and Michaels completely misses. Michaels is now off balance and Hammond rushes at him with a spear and hits! He pins
1………
2……..
No! Xavier was able to get out of the trash can and breaks up the pin. He picks up Hammond and nails him with a Flatliner. He then turns his attention to Michaels who is trying to get up. he waits for him to get up to nail him with a Uranage Backbreaker. Williams now goes and sets up the table. Hammond is beginning to get up, and Xavier notices this. He goes over and they begin to brawl. Xavier has the upper hand, until he is stopped dead in his tracks by a stiff kick to the groin from Hammond!
Eric: Hail to the...
Kelly: Don't you even finish it!
(Hammond looks to pulls Xavier to his feet but Michaels comes from behind and rolls him up with a school boy, and the ref counts 1….2….. but Hammond manages to kick out. Both men get to their feet and face each other when suddenly out of nowhere Xavier clubs Hammond in the head with the fire extinguisher, Hammond falls to the mat holding his head. Michaels looks to grab X but Williams shoves the extinguisher into his stomach, then turns up the nozzle giving him a face full of spray. X puts Miahcaels between his legs and powerbombs him straight through the table! X covers 1….2….3! Winner: Xavier Williams!)
Kelly Fox: Another match, another victory for Age of the Revolution!
Eric Hardy: Argh…. No comment.
{Before we go to commercial we are taken backstage where we see Steve Awesome sitting in his locker room looking down at the floor. He doesn't seem his normal confident self as disbelief is still clearly across his face. From the right side of the screen Carly Robins makes her entrance and sits next to Steve.}
Carly Robins: Is there something wrong Steve?
Steve Awesome: Something wrong!? Were you not watching? The man I trust, who I thought was one of my friends…. He's the one who has been attacking me? Why?!
Carly Robins: Maybe he is jealous that your abs are so much better?
Steve Awesome: What would that have to do with it?
Carly Robins: I mean come on Steve, you're clearly the best looking wrestler on the roster… who wouldn't be jealous, you're tag team champion… all the ladies are swooning over you.
{Steve, nods his head as he looks at the ceiling. Carly puts her hand on the inside of Steve's leg, tightly griping his thigh.}
Carly Robins: Stevie, if you need somebody to talk to… about anything I'm here for you. Here, let me give you my cell phone number
{Carly pulls a pen from her pocket and takes Steve's hand and turns his palm upwards. She begins writing her cell phone number in his hand when suddenly Layla steps into the picture.}
Layla: What in the hell is going on here?
Carly Robins: I was just telling Steve if he needed somebody to talk to, he could always come to me.
{Seemingly oblivious to what's going on around here, Carly finished writing her number and stands up. She walks away but before she does, she turns back and blows a kiss in the direction of Steve. Layla stares her down as she walks away, and then turns back and looks at Steve with a POed look. Steve simply shrugs his shoulders as we head to commercial.}
{{Commercial Break}}
Eric Hardy: Welcome back fans, I can't believe what we just saw! Trent Helms is one of the masked men!?
Kelly Fox: Oh please…. I saw it coming from a mile away.
Eric Hardy: You liar.
Kelly Fox: Hey, I don't have to take those alligations from you, lets just get to our next match shall we?
"Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" blares over the PA. Matt comes out from behind the curtain, jumps on his skateboard and skates on the security railing down to the ring. At the end of the railing, he kickflips off of it and onto the ring apron while bringing the skateboard into his right arm. He gets in the ring and sets the skateboard down into the corner.
Ten Thousand Fists by Disturbed plays on the PA as JackHammer and Angel come through the curtain and head down the ramp to the ring. Angel heads to the corner as JackHammer climbs the ring steps, he then stops at the top and raises his left fist sending pyros shooting out of the ring posts. JackHammer then steps into the ring over the top rope and removes his duster and bandanna.
Kelly Fox: The Match is ready to go as both men are in the ring. This promises to be a bore fest.
The two men stand in opposite sides of the ring as the bell rings. Matt and JackHammer both meet in the middle. JackHammer obviously having the height advantage decides to use it and be little is smaller opponent by raising his hand high in the air, wanting a tie up. Margera looks at his hand, then at JackHammer, then shrugs his shoulders and hits a standing dropkick. This staggers JackHammer but does not bring him down, Matt then gets up and starts to deliver vicious knife edge chops to the chest of his adversary. JackHammer winds up backed into a corner as Matt continues his relentless assault until his hand does not hit his target, but is instead caught by him! JackHammer pulls Matt in to deliver a clothesline, sending Margera down. He then begins to stomp and kick at him, keeping the quicker one from utilizing his advantage. JackHammer becomes bored with this, and picks him up..all the way. JackHammer in an amazing show of strength picks up Margera from the mat too over his head in a Military Press. And...yes..down goes Margera hard. Matt rolls around in pain, and JackHammer in true nature does not let up. He yet again begins kicking and stomping at him. Matt is able to roll out of the ring and begin to regroup. JackHammer begins to walk out of the ring but Margera slides in underneath gets up and runs towards the ropes and bounces off them to hit a dropkick to send JackHammer up and over! JackHammer hits the ground outside and Matt begins to once again refocus his strategy. JackHammer gets to his feet only to see a perched Margera on the top rope. Before anyone blinks an eye the young man jumps and nails a Whisper in The Wind! The crowd is now on its feet after seeing such a display. JackHammer and Margera are both reluctant to get up. Angel can be heard cheering her man to get up. The referee has begun his count.
1....
2....
3....
Eric Hardy: They're both starting to show some signs off life now.
JackHammer begins to move, as does Margera.
5....
6....
JackHammer gets into the ring and so does Margera. JackHammer rushes Margera, only to have the prankster pull a fast one with a drop toe hold. JackHammer slams his fists on the mat out of frustration as Matt cuts a smile and panders to the crowd. JackHammer gets up and Matt is well aware. They both do tie up, only to have Margera on the receiving end of a suplex. JackHammer then picks up Matt and irish whips him to the turnbuckle. JackHammer rushes in and this time does nail his target with a clothesline. Matt slinks down, now in a sitting position resting at the turnbuckle. JackHammer begins another brutal assault. sending rights and lefts to the head of Margera. The referee breaks it up, allowing Matt to get up, although very groggy after that. JackHammer once again runs at him, and nails Matt with a Big Boot! Matt goes down and JackHammer covers.
1…
2….
No. Matt is able to kick out. JackHammer once again picks him up but Matt shows fight. He begins a flurry of lefts and rights of his own to the ribs and stomach of JackHammer. Matt is free from him, and bounces off the ropes to hit a flying clothesline. The big man goes down and Matt jumps back up showing his second wind. Matt runs again to the ropes and nails a picture perfect Lion...erm...GM Assault!
Eric: A tribute to Davey Ortega?!
Kelly: Oh, so now he is going to choke like him?
Matt stays for the pin.
1….
2….
Eric Hardy: This could be it!
Nope, JackHammer kicks out. Matt then gets up and stomps on his larger opponent. Hen then turns around and stands perfectly still for about five seconds before nailing a Standing Moonsault. He pins.
Kelly Fox: Maybe now?
1
Not even close. JackHammer easily powers out. Matt now becomes frustrated. He decides to fly as he ascends to the top rope, waiting. JackHammer does get up and looks for him, by the time he finds him Matt is already air born! Matt's looking to end the match...but could not be more wrong as JackHammer catches him mid air by the throat! In one fluid motion JackHammer hit his Earth Trembler and pins.
1….
2…..
3….
Eric Hardy: Very spirited match, could have went either way I say.
Kelly Fox: what, huh? You say something…. Sorry I dosed off there.
Eric Hardy: Well as I try and wake Kelly up, we'll be back after these messages.
{{Commercial Break}}
Buddy Witkowski vs. Hexx
{Witkowski, like so many others dominated Hexx. Hexx tried to use his size and weight to an advantage but it just didn't work compared to Witkowskit's old school moves. Buddy after hitting a big running clothesline waits for Hexx to get up where he locks in the sleeper hold. This was the end of the match as Hexx tapped out before he could be put to sleep.}
Reckoning vs. Mark Evil
{Reckoning dominates most of the match as he pickups near fall after near fall. Finally after a low blow Evil begins coming back as hits Reck with several chair shots then pile drives him on top of the chair. Reckoning won't stay down and Evil only gets a 2 count. Reckoning is back up and gets a second wind, after a shot to the head with the trash can lid Reckoning delivers a Reckless Intent onto the trashcan for the win.
Masked Mystery Team Defeates The Callaway Brothers